SINGLE REVIEWS:

“Detective Snooparoni” single:
"Jackie Puppet has done it again. The little group that shouldn’t keeps on a-shouldin’, and we all wish they wouldn’t. Just have a listen to their ridiculous new excuse for a single, something called 'Detective Snooparoni'. The world really didn’t need a new song about a fictional gumshoe, but when have Jackie Puppet ever listened to the world? Let’s start with the vocals. Whichever Puppet is singing lead here has decided to deliver the subpar lyrics in a voice that tries to be Leonard Cohen (think 'Jazz Police'), but more closely resembles Little Secret Agent Guy from Nickelodeon’s 'Pinwheel'. At least they get the era correct, as this tune seems to be set in a vague 1980s version of a spy movie. The pop-cultural references include Lamborghinis, Yakov Shmirnoff, 'Miami Vice', and 'The Jetsons' (yeah, ‘60s, but still in reruns). But, factually, they seem to be grasping at straws, if not completely getting everything wrong. There were never any instances of a Yakov Shmirnoff doppelganger ring. Nor was there a disappearing sea creature making any headlines. Probably someone had a Lamborghini that was made of Ferrari parts, but not to my knowledge. A cartoon spacecraft theft is too ludicrous to debate. And let’s be clear. The 'Miami Vice' guys were not detectives, so that reference is completely absurd. The music, if we have to even mention that, is some sort of cocktail jazz pastiche, a space age bossa nova for the peanut gallery."
- anonymous

“The Opposite Of An Encore” single:
"What’s the opposite of a good song? This one. For their latest act of self-deprecation, Jackie Puppet has given us a piece of shit called 'Opposite Of An Encore'. Like such previous stinkers as 'Bad Band Blair' and 'The Little Group That Shouldn’t', the Puppets turn the ridicule on themselves. Newsflash. We already know you suck. You don’t have to remind us. The self-deprecating thing only works if people tell you you’re good. But, alright, I’ll bite. Let’s listen to your new tune. What do you know? You and the rest of the world were right! You do suck! The melody is barely that. The musicianship is tepid. And nice touch with the gang vocals in the chorus. Some things just shouldn’t be enhanced. 'Tomatoes, eggs, and jeers' is an idiotic line, by the way. Jeers are not tangible. But that sure doesn’t stop Jackie Puppet from grouping them with the aforementioned edible projectiles. The only thing that would help this song is a good vocalist, which Jackie Puppet obviously does not possess. May I suggest Jennifer Blowdryer? Yeah, like they would even know her personally."
- anonymous

CONCERT REVIEWS:

unknown concert:
"Jackie Puppet should trade all their instruments for air guitars!"
- anonymous

unknown concert:
"My favorite Jackie Puppet song? Can I pick a cover version? Preferably by the original artist?"
- anonymous

unknown concert:
"I saw the future of rock & roll, and it’s name does not rhyme with Shmackie Fluppet!"
- anonymous

unknown concert:
"Jackie Puppet is to music what rainstorms are to cookouts!"
- anonymous